As I sit watching the sun come up I realize that even in the moments of sadness, loss, fear and doubt we can find peace. There is no shame in the truth of how we feel.
As much as I promote being in a place of joy, love and gratitude, there are times when we are sad, angry, indecisive, and ungrateful. Using these honest feelings to understand your boundaries, values and beliefs can be invaluable. When we allow the less than happy thoughts and feelings to pass through us, we become stronger. Expressing sorrow in times of loss is healing. Feeling pain when we have been hurt is normal. I see too many who are afraid to express their anger, bottling it up inside for fear of hurting someone else, or afraid of what others may say about them. That is not healthy.
True joy and exceptional health come when we are able to deal with the emotions as they arise. Being honest with ourselves and others, opens communication, expands our heart space and clears a place for shifting our perception of an event or situation. Once cleared healing can begin.
True strength and character come when we are able to be honest in our expression, maintaining integrity within ourselves. There are constructive ways to release heavy, unloving emotions. You can state what is hurting you, cry, relay anger, share your guilt, shame or disappointment without unnecessary drama or hurtful, demeaning words. Stick to the emotions you are feeling. Don't place blame on the other person or group. Take responsibility for your perception of the situation. Listen to the other side of the story.
Remember no one has the power to hurt you, make you angry, or even to make you happy. Only you have control over how you react to anything. If another's action or words invoke a feeling in you, ask yourself where this feeling originates. What do I need to understand about myself, to take this to heart? Am I seeing a truth about myself, that I don't like? How could I see and feel differently? Does what I am thinking and feeling matter enough to ruin my day? Are these even my feelings and thoughts or are they a programmed response based on someone else's system of beliefs and values?
I think of boundaries in terms of what am I willing to give my energy to? Being upset is one of the greatest energy zappers in our lives. When a loved one upsets us it is probably worth the time and effort to work through what is going on inside of us, and explain how the behavior hurts us. Too often though we allow strangers to affect our day, as we rerun the scenario over and over in our mind. Is it worth it? How is it serving you?
Journalling, walking, gardening, prayer are all healthy ways to release pent up emotions. Next time you have a desire to yell, scream, vent or blame another, find a quiet place to review what is really going on. Hurting others in order to feel better in the moment usually creates further guilt - is it worth giving your energy to that?