Having had a week of sitting in emergency rooms, hospitals, hotels, and long drives, I have had a lot of time to think. Believe it or not, my thoughts continually gravitated toward gratitude. I also found myself in a state of complete acceptance. At first there was panic over the unknown, and doctors who sometimes don't remember to listen to their patients. Feeling alone and desperate to ensure my daughters safety, I lost my usual strength and foundation. In a moment feeling no support from angels or humans, I let myself totally surrender to the Will of God. In one deep breath, I released all that is and ever was. In that moment all the support I desired and more showed up for me. Doctors and nurses began to listen, friends reached out to be there for my daughter. In exhaustion, I was given the energy to do what needed to be done.
What came out of that moment of surrender, was spiritual organization, aligning everything we needed to make the best of an unfortunate accident. And even as I say unfortunate, I ask, "What good has come of this?" For me it has been about giving up control, letting go of the need to make things right, accepting once again, there is a reason for everything. I hear the words, "slow down, let me do the thinking, planning and creating. All you have to do is be in the moment." I am so glad I listened to those words, for I could never have found a hotel in a city with no rooms, let alone find a place that would cater without being asked to a girl just our of surgery and in a walker. I could never have flowed with ease through all the hoops of picking up walkers, pillows, new shower heads, and paraphernalia needed for a newly handicapped girl. Somehow this was all done for me, and as I stayed fully in the moment, clear directions were given each step of the way. Not just friends but strangers quietly and eagerly went out of their way to ease our journey. I feel so blessed.
Somehow, what may have triggered guilt, anger and victimization, has resulted in even more gratitude for life, more acceptance of people and circumstances.
It is ever more clear to me that we do not have much control over the events in our life. We like to think we do, and perhaps that is what creates most of the problems we encounter along the way. We have gotten too attached to an idea that we are co-creators, leaving little room for the original creator to work the miracles that give our life depth, meaning and comfort. In any co-creation there must be a director, a lead player, and supporting roles. At what point did I decide I wanted to be all three? In even my most spiritual moments, I see now where I still held on to the role of director much too tightly. I believe most of do.
I invite you to take a moment to sit on the bench, looking out over the water, enjoying the leaves in all their color. Could you have created that all on your own. Take a deep breath and imagine the energy it takes to create just the right amount of rain, sun, wind, and weather to sustain this view. Do you have the perfect vibration within you to create such miracles and sustain them? Can you marvel at how earth continues to rotate on it's axis, keeping us planted firmly here?
How do we ever believe that we must be the sole creator of our world? How do we even believe we can be? Today I am grateful knowing that only good can come, when we surrender fully and completely to the one who created us for a purpose. I apologize for my arrogance and avoidance. Today I gratefully accept the Will of God, knowing this guidance and direction will never lead me astray. I am willing to play the leading role, or supporting cast in whatever measure is required of me.
In "Don't Change For Heaven's Sake" I wrote a chapter on letting someone else take the wheel. I had seen the power of allowing Spirit and it felt good, but somehow I lost track of that trust and faith. I am grateful to be reminded once again.
Are you ready to play your part, and allow the director to make this movie of life according to the script? I invite you to try it, even if just for a day.
In gratitude and blessings I offer this piece of my life, so you may see how most of our events are similar, even though we are strangers on this earth. We are all learning the same lessons, reaching for the same stars, and being assisted by the same creative energy. May you find the faith to let go, surrender and live in the moment, knowing you are loved no matter what.